The Narcissistic Dictionary

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BACKGROUND // NARCISSITIC DICTIONARY

 

The art project intends to make educational material for high schools to learn the malicious psychological gaslighting manipulation, the narcissistic and narcissistic psychopathic traits, and how to spot the behavior and protect yourself.

The motivation for the art project is spawned from the murder of Kim Wall and the culture of illutron. The killer was a member of illutron (Hobye, 2014). The focus is to learn from dark psychology and create learning about what social engineering is and how to use it ethically.

In addition, this dictionary is intended to continue to grow as more people contribute sentences and interpretations. Also, I hope that it will be a source of inspiration for the cultures of other countries, situated with their laws, linguistics, norms, and social codes, to create narcissistic dictionaries to create insight into how psychological violence is adopted and carried out in other societies.

Suppose you have experienced that a partner, friend, colleague or manager, etc., has said something rude/crossing the line/manipulative/aggressive or untrue, etc. In that case, you are welcome to contribute to the Narcissistic Dictionary. All you have to do is write the sentence the person said and how it affected you in the Typeform below You are welcome to contribute more sentences.

The data is anonymous. Typeform is a private company in Barcelona under the EU's GDPR directive. The data is therefore stored securely and anonymously. See Typeform's Data Processing Agreement. The processing of the Data will be stored on an encrypted hard drive.

The data will be used for the exhibition at the Captive portal at Fredericiagade 12b on 15-27 August 2023. Therefore, the deadline for the first iteration of the data collection is Friday, 14-07-2023, at 14. You are still welcome to contribute your sentences hereafter; it is intended that this project, as mentioned above, should grow further and be used as teaching material.

Photo credit for the photo used in Typeform: Mariana Montrazi on pexels.com

Cf. Berith Siegumsfeldt, an expert in narcissism and psychopathy, in the Podcast 'Blandemachinen' with Business Sociologist cand. technology soc., Expert in good working relationships, Charlotte Dalsgaard "How do I know if I am witnessing a narcissist in the workplace?" as of 18 August 2022, every tenth person is a narcissist (Business sociologist and conflict mediator Charlotte Dalsgaard, Harbohus, 2022).

People with narcissistic and narcissistic psychopathic traits are found everywhere in society; in relationships, the family, work, etc. Therefore, I made this dictionary based on statements from people affected by people with narcissistic and narcissistic psychopathic traits in their private life, personal life, and working life.

THE 9 NARCISSITIC TRAITS

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  1. The overt narcissist has a grandiose and inflated self-concept where they see themselves as being god or having god status. They are preoccupied with unimaginable power, influence, success, strength, wealth, and beauty.
    The covert narcissist is also known as the victim narcissist. When they show grandiosity, it is in their closest relationships. They are often more intelligent than the overt narcissists because they know that if they go around talking about how they think they are better than others, more capable, and more intelligent than others, then they will be seen as idiots and will be rejected by people and communities (Terkelsen, 2020). Covert narcissists are often harder to spot because they are perceived as nice and helpful. They use the vulnerability to appear sensitive to gain attention (Siegumfeldt, 2021). Therefore, the covert narcissist is more dangerous than the overt one because they are better at erasing their tracks and because they manage to make you feel comfortable with them. Therefore, this kind of narcissist is also called a wolf in sheep's clothing (Siegumfeldt, 2022, a).
  2. They lack empathy; are unable to identify with the feelings and needs of others.
  3. They demand attention, respect, and recognition from their surroundings, which the affected person gets via narcissistic supply, which they depend on to get from empathetic and unsuspecting people.
  4. They exploit and take advantage of others for their gain. They always have their agenda and value absolutely nothing.
  5. They create and live according to self-created laws and rules. They circumvent the norms of the environment and society via lies and fraud, which they feel entitled to.
  6. They have an arrogant demeanor and blunt attitudes and exhibit a black-and-white view of humanity.
  7. They are jealous and envious of others and, in turn, believe that others are jealous and envious of them bound in their megalomania.
  8. They are controlling, power-hungry, and manipulative because everything is about winning.
  9. They see themselves as unique and special, which can only be understood or equated with other high-status people or institutions.

 

The traits between overt and covert narcissists are fluid, meaning that an overt narcissist can have some covert traits and vice versa (Siegumfeldt, 2021).

THE TWO SIDES OF THE FAN OF MANIPULATION

Photo by cottonbro studio: https://www.pexels.com/photo/silhouette-of-a-person-holding-a-hand-fan-on-stage-4722574/

Cf. Berith Siegumfeld there are two sides of the spectrum of manipulation; the light side and the dark back side (Siegumfeldt a, 2023):

THE BRIGHT SIDE OF THE FAN

This is, for example, when you want your children to eat vegetables and use manipulation to get them to do so.

THE DARK SIDE OF THE FAN

Here, psychological manipulation is used in an exploitative, destructive and intimidating way, where people with one thing in mind; To get their needs met, they use blackmail, fraud and falsehood to get these met.

THE 8 WORKING METHODS OF THE NARCISSIST

Cf. Berith Siegumsfeldt in her lecture "How narcissists and psychopaths manipulate you" (translated by the author), the narcissist has eight different working methods (Siegumfeldt, 2021):

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PROJECTION

The narcissist carries dark sides and shame; these will be transferred to you.

TRIANGLE DRAMA

Here, the narcissist uses extras as "Flying monkeys," i.e., "useful idiots" for his/hers/their performances. The narcissist does this, for example, by pitting two people against each other without them noticing.

Example:

Maybe they say things about you to a colleague and then come to you and say that the same colleague says negative things about you.

THE ROLE OF THE VICTIM

This role is often taken by the narcissist when his/her/their are cornered.

GHOSTING

The narcissist disappears when the person concerned has vented his frustration and then reappears out of the blue as if nothing had happened

 

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FLYING MONKEYS

These can also be described with an expression in politics: 'Useful idiots.' These are the narcissist's biggest fans and, in some cases, friends. They firmly believe in the narcissist and thereby help the narcissist to spread his/hers/their stories via a campaign of forging that it is you that he/she/they should be mad at. The narcissist gaslights them; therefore, they often become very upset or traumatized by having helped spread lies about you when it dawns on them what agenda the narcissist had.

NARCISSISTIC SUPPLY

These are empathetic, gullible, and nice people. You are the one who is already primed/co-dependent on a narcissist and will do anything to fix them. The more polite, loving, kind, and service-minded you are, the more manipulative, malicious, and exploitative they become.

In addition, the narcissist has a false self, which plays out using cognitive dissonance, where the narcissist presents himself as something the person is not and makes you believe the false representation (Terkelsen, 2020).

You can read more about cognitive dissonance on Medical News Today's website here >>

THE FALSE SELF

All children should grow up in a home with a family and an environment that respects the child's boundaries and feelings, where there is unconditional love, harmony, security, abundance, and joy. Children who develop a false self come from families with insecurity, and many conflicts, where their boundaries have been violated and where there is no room for the child's feelings or for the child to be seen. As a result, the child does not develop a healthy sense of self or independence. The child's experience is that you have to earn love, which is why they develop a false self; that is who they think others want them to be. So not oneself – the true self that is the unacceptable self hidden in shame in the unconscious so the child no longer has contact with it (Terkelsen, 2020).

WHEN THE NARCISSIST KNOWS YOU KNOW

When the narcissist knows that you have seen through them, the narcissist becomes enraged because he/she/they realize that you can see that they are not victims of circumstances, are not as kind as they express, and that they cannot control and manipulate you. Here you become a threat to their survival, and therefore he/she/them feels entitled to destroy you and your reputation (Terkelsen, 2020). To operate this, the narcissist uses the eight working methods described above.

GASLIGHTING

The word 'Gaslighting' originates from the film 'Gaslight' released in 1940. The movie shows how the husband of a woman distorts her reality and spins a story that she is crazy or queer, as it was wrongly called at the time.

Watch the movie here:

Being exposed to gaslighting feels like a smokescreen thrown over you with phrases that make you doubt your integrity, self-worth, and truth.

"I never said that",

“You are so controlling”,

"You also misunderstand everything" and

"You can be quite demanding of attention".

The day you meet the narcissist, the gaslighting starts and it continues as long as you are in a relationship. This is the way in which the narcissist manipulates, withholds and negotiates knowledge with the aim of controlling and dominating you to get his/hers/their needs met.

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IGNORING

The narcissist is him/her/themself dependent on the narcissistic supply of other empathetic persons, so the worst thing you can do to them is ignoring them. Therefore, the narcissist knows that "the silent treatment" is one of the worst things that can happen to you. See narcissistic supply.

FORGING CAMPAIGN

Narcissists create forging campaigns to feel superior to you. According to the narcissist, you can only be placed below them, not next to or above them.

THREATS

The narcissist threatens and terrifies you by slandering you to your network, ignoring you, then stalking and harassing you.

Example:

It could be that a boss or colleague is trying to isolate you because you are looking for a new job and thus tell your network that you are challenging to work with to maintain control over you. That is if you have criticized their behavior and want to escape them.

MENTAL VIOLENCE SITUATED IN DENMARK

As of 1 April 2019, the criminal law provision criminalizing mental violence entered into force in Denmark (Retsinformation, 2022).

“§ 243. Anyone who belongs to or is closely connected to another’s household or previously had such a connection to the household and who repeatedly, over a period of time, subjects the other to grossly degrading, insulting, or offensive behavior that is suitable for inappropriate controlling the other, including through the exercise of negative social control, is punishable for mental violence by a fine or imprisonment of up to 3 years.” (Translated by the author)

However, the law only deals with mental violence in relationships. Overall, mental violence is punishable if the following four conditions apply:

  1. The perpetrator must belong to or be closely connected to the other person’s household or have had such a connection to the household.
  2. Grossly degrading, insulting, and offensive behavior must have been shown.
  3. The conduct must be capable of inappropriately controlling the other.
  4. The behavior must have been practiced repeatedly over a period of time.

 

As of 1 January 2022, Section 242 of the Criminal Code made stalking a criminal offense.

“Section 242. Anyone who, in a way that is suitable for violating the peace of another person, systematically and continuously contacts, pursues or otherwise harasses the person in question, is punished for stalking with a fine or imprisonment for up to 3 years.”

Cf. (Danner, 2023) One hundred eighteen thousand women live annually with partner violence, mental violence, physical violence, or a combination of both. To give an overview of how large a figure of people it is, it is approx. the same number that attends the Roskilde Festival every year.

However, extensive work is still needed concerning training the police in dealing with mental violence in relationships. For example, Denmark does not yet have fetters for people who have committed mental violence, as in Norway.

“Figures from the Attorney General show that the number of broken restraining orders has increased significantly in recent years in Denmark” [in Denmark] (Clante, et al., 2023).

As of 30 May 2023, 53-year-old Sedad Hanic was sentenced to life imprisonment for having shot and murdered 41-year-old Hedvig Blanka Sardi (Ekstrabladet, 2023). This is the first sentence in Denmark where an ex-partner is sentenced to life for a murder of an ex-girlfriend/ex-wife.

MENTAL VIOLENCE IN THE WORKPLACE

However, we also find people with narcissistic/narcissistic psychopathic traits in the workplace.

According to the Danish Working Environment Authority, mental violence is:

"Mental violence is threats of violence and other offensive behavior, e.g., threats to life, threats of vandalism against the workplace, threats concerning the employees' family or friends, or threats concerning the employees' belongings." (Translated by the author)

"Threats can also be expressed without words, for example with clenched fists, movement of a finger across the neck or in the form of drawings" (Arbejdstilsynet, 2023, a, Translated by the author).

Still, mental violence and narcissistic/narcissistic psychopathic behavior appear in abusive actions in the workplace. The Danish Labor Inspection Authority describes this as bullying, harassment, humiliation, degrading treatment, hurtful remarks, ridicule, unpleasant teasing, sexual harassment (gender harassment), and threats in the workplace (Arbejdstilsynet, 2023, b).

As of 4 March 2022, the government and the labor market parties entered into a tripartite agreement on sexual harassment based on the signature collections and testimonies from the letters of support in the MeToo second wave in Denmark (Beskæftigelsesministeriet, 2022, a). The agreement's text, via a clear set of rules, makes the employers responsible for ensuring a healthy and harassment-free working environment, just as higher compensations are given in more severe cases (Beskæftigelsesministeriet, 2022, b).

Yet I do not understand why Denmark does not have comprehensive laws in making mental violence in the workplace a criminal offense and why the compensations are still so low.

THIS DICTIONARY WAS CREATED WITH INSPIRATION FROM

Tine Siff Terkelsen’s book ’Narcissistens Drejebog: Den skrøbelige intellektuelle narcissist – En ulv i fåreklæder’ (Terkelsen, 2020). I would highly recommend reading this book

Berith Siegumfeldt’s lecture on Narcissism and Narcissistic Psychopathy:

'Sådan manipulerer narcissister og psykopater med dig' (Siegumfeldt, 2021)

'Sådan genkender du en covert narcissist' (Siegumfeldt, 2022, a)

'Sådan sætter du grænser overfor narcissister – og andre vanskelige mennesker' (Siegumfeldt, 2022, b)

Berith Siegumfeldt’s audiobook 'Slip ud af narcissistens greb'.

I highly recommend listening to or reading Berith Siegumfeldt’s books and attending her lecture on Narcissism and Narcissistic Psychopathy.

Someone who has worked on how artificial intelligence (AI) can be used to create greater awareness of narcissism and with whom I wrote about narcissism. The person wanted to hear my opinion about some AI avatars on the person’s profile, and in that connection, the person sent this Limp Bizkit song ‘Behind blue eyes’

Blurs song ‘The Narcissist.’

Good walks with a fabulous collaborator who said I should make a narcissistic dictionary. Thank you.

From support groups on Facebook for people who have been in a relationship with a person with narcissistic/narcissistic psychopathic traits, have children with a person with narcissistic/psychopathic traits, or have been/are in a working relationship with a person with narcissistic/narcissistic psychopathic traits.

Danner’s campaign, ‘Ser du de røde flag?’  This has been posters and postings via social media to raise awareness of psychological violence.

In addition, I have used my data from previous workplaces because I was exposed to what I believe were narcissistic abuse and psychological manipulation. Creating this narcissistic dictionary has also helped me gain insight into narcissistic traits, different types of narcissism, and how it affects communities, work cultures, and workplaces.

Donna Haraway’s scholarly article, “Situated Knowledges: The Science Question in Feminism and the Privilege of Partial Perspective.”

“And like the god trick, this eye fucks the world to make techno-monsters.” (Haraway, Autumn, 1988, p. 581).

As part of the embodiment process, the view of the narcissistic and narcissistic psychopathic traits is situated, told, and interpreted by the people who have been in contact with people with narcissistic and narcissistic psychopathic traits in Danish society. In the few sentences where I did not receive an interpretation, I have interpreted it myself.

A big thanks to Chigozie Nri for helping me create a fine-tuned model.

SOURCE

Terkelsen, T. S., 2020. Narcissistens Drejebog: Den skrøbelige intellektuelle narcissist - En ulv i fåreklæder. 2nd edition ed. Søborg, Denmark: Tsterkelsen.

Erhvervssociolog og konfliktmægler Charlotte Dalsgaard, Harbohus, 2022. Hvordan ved jeg, om jeg er vidne til en narcissist på arbejdspladsen? Berith Siegumfeldt. [Online]
Available at: https://podcasts.apple.com/dk/podcast/hvordan-ved-jeg-om-jeg-er-vidne-til-en-narcissist-p%C3%A5/id1569586784?i=1000576436664&l=da
[Accessed 04 06 2023].

Haraway, D., Autumn, 1988). Situated Knowledges: The Science Question in Feminism and the Privilege of Partial Perspective. Feminist Studies, 14(3), pp. 575-599.

Siegumfeldt, B., 2021. Sådan manipulerer narcissister og psykopater med dig. København, Berth Siegumfeldt.

Siegumfeldt, B., 2022, b. Sådan sætter du grænser overfor narcissister – og andre vanskelige mennesker. København, Berith Siegumfeldt.

Siegumfeldt, B., 2022, a. Sådan genkender du en covert narcissist. København, Berith Siegumfeldt.

Siegumfeldt, B., 2023, a. Derfor kan alle blive snøret af et manipulerende menneske. [Online]
Available at: https://berithsiegumfeldt.dk/derfor-kan-alle-blive-snoeret-af-et-manipulerende-menneske/
[Accessed 04 06 2023].

Retsinformation, 2022. Bekendtgørelse af straffeloven, LBK nr 1360 af 28/09/2022. [Online]
Available at: https://www.retsinformation.dk/eli/lta/2022/1360
[Accessed 04 06 2023].

Clante, C., Baltsen, L. B. & Torp, M., 2023. Norsk fodlænke-løsning begejstrer på Christiansborg: 'Det skal afprøves i Danmark'. [Online]
Available at: https://www.dr.dk/nyheder/indland/norsk-fodlaenke-loesning-begejstrer-paa-christiansborg-det-skal-afproeves-i-danmark
[Accessed 04 06 2023].

Danner, 2023. Psykisk vold. [Online]
Available at: https://danner.dk/psykisk-vold
[Accessed 04 06 2023].

Ekstrabladet, 2023. Fængsel på livstid: Dræbte Hedvig foran børnene. [Online]
Available at: https://ekstrabladet.dk/krimi/article9788128.ece
[Accessed 04 06 2023].

Arbejdstilsynet, 2023, a. Om vold og trusler. [Online]
Available at: https://at.dk/arbejdsmiljoeproblemer/psykisk-arbejdsmiljoe/vold-og-trusler/om-vold-og-trusler/
[Accessed 04 06 2023].

Arbejdstilsynet, 2023, b. Hvad er chikane og anden krænkende adfærd fra borgere og kunder?. [Online]
Available at: https://at.dk/arbejdsmiljoeproblemer/psykisk-arbejdsmiljoe/vold-og-trusler/om-vold-og-trusler/borgere-kunder-mv/
[Accessed 04 06 2023].

Beskæftigelsesministeriet, 2022, b. Trepartsaftale om initiativer til at modgå seksuel chikane på arbejdspladser. [Online]
Available at: https://bm.dk/media/20425/aftaletekst.pdf
[Accessed 04 06 2023].

Victoria, 2023. unmaskingthenarc.com. [Online]
Available at: https://unmaskingthenarc.com/weird-things-narcissists-say/#google_vignette
[Accessed 20 05 2023].

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